Birthdays

Tomorrow's a very special day- its the birthday of the first friend I made when I came to Southampton. I wouldn't say we are as close now, but still I hold the friendship dear to my heart. Its past twelve, and I've missed the crucial 00:00 to wish her happy birthday, but I log on to Facebook to leave her a message anyway. And then I remembered, that she deactivated her account.

Of course, there were other means in which I could send my greetings (I chose whatsapp in the end) but it disturbs me to think that Facebook is the by far the most common way to wish someone happy birthday. Think of how many friends we wish "happy birthday" on Facebook. The site even sends out an email religiously at the start each week, reminding us of the friends whose birthdays fall on the next seven days. To me, this really demeans the value of the event. As novel and as effective an idea as birthday reminders might be, it is just not the same when a reminder pops up on your screen to remind you of something you ought to have remembered in the first place. Much less, a reminder that is not keyed in by you, but instead entered by the birthday boy/ girl themselves when they sign up for Facebook.

Ironically, even when you find yourself forgetting most of your friends' birthdays and relying more on the birthday reminder service, the sense of fake popularity received when people post wishes on your wall during your birthday is indescribable. I bet somewhere out there, someone is having a birthday right now, and clinging on to her phone, waiting for the next notification to stream in, to assure her that yet another one person has remembered her birthday-- or perhaps, is bored enough to bother typing a birthday greeting on her wall. What then is the value of a wish demeaned to?

I remember in the few years before Facebook was even invented, I used to jot down all my friend's birthdays in a little notebook and wish them when the day arrived. Bubbling in excitement even when its not my special day, I always made it a point to wish them on the dot because it would make my wish even more special, and I had saved up all the days and anticipation between this birthday and the last just to be able to text my well-wishes. Birthdays were something that I looked forward to, because not only was I proud of myself for remembering the dates, it made my day to wish the birthday boy/girl and be rewarded with the genuine smiles on their face.

But now, the value of a wish has become subjective really-- its online, unfeeling cyber nature makes it difficult to tell if the wisher genuinely cares or not from that line of pixels across the screen. "Happy birthday :)" "Hey, happy birthday! x" or even if someone was nice enough to add "Hope you have a good one" behind those mandatory two words-- does it make a difference? In fact this Facebook wishing has sort of become an obligation, a competition of sorts, with the rest of the person's Facebook friends to show how much you actually care for the person on that special day. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely guilty of that. More often than not, I feel pressurised to write a longer post for someone that I've known for longer, as compared to just a normal acquaintance. Then again, there are friends whom I've known for a long time, but have run out of things to say to them. There are also the friends whom I've been through thick and thin and everything with, whom I don't really have much to say to in public, but the memories between us speak volumes. But I still try to write a lengthy post everytime. It is ironical you see, for the act of forcibly lengthening your birthday greeting, just to include details that may or may not be relevant but to just make that wall of text seem more intimate anyway, is what takes the sincerity out of your message.

Words speak volume, but the depth of neatly typed words on a lighted screen as opposed to a perhaps unpolished but still, spoken greeting, is undeniably worlds apart.