Please enlighten me about being against "fat-shaming".

Some thoughts about the Nicole video that's making its rounds around the internet now.

What is fat shaming? Fat shaming is basically when someone calls out another person for being big-sized. "Big-sized" is of course, relative and subjective.

So what is the deal with campaigns like,  #loveyourbody #realwomenhavecurves? What is their purpose?

If I remember correctly, this campaign started off as a body image campaign. For all women actually, against unrealistic body standards as portrayed in the magazines with reed thin models. Love your body, they say. But honestly, its no open secret that majority of the women will never be able to attain that sort of body, not because they don't have the discipline to work out, but rather because even the model's body proportions are altered with photoshop.

But anyway, the focus of the loveyourbody campaign has shifted to people who are/ think they are bigger-sized, and telling them to love their bodies too and that skinny is not the only measure of beauty. Okay, that's fine too.. because skinny isn't really the only measure of beauty, it just varies from time period to time period. In olden China, big girls were actually deemed as the most beautiful.

Then.. instead of focusing on self-acceptance (i.e., my body is beautiful the way it is and I must accept that looking like a magazine cover girl is unrealistic) the focus of this campaign has suddenly shifted to how other people should perceive bigger-sized girls. Fat-shaming. So the crux of the issue is now "people (supposedly, skinnier people) should not be laughing at people who are bigger sized because.." 1) it hurts their feelings 2) not all people eat unhealthily hence they are bigger sized, some are genetically pre-disposed 3) we should all love our bodies regardless, they are all beautiful.

At this juncture, I feel that things are getting to a point where instead of promoting the third end which I think is actually the main purpose and only achievable purpose of the entire campaign (I will explain later), it has morphed into (for lack of a better description) semi-battle of skinny people vs fat people. Now the discussion has become something muddled like... Big is beautiful? Why are we promoting this standard and what are the implications of doing this? Is it healthy for bigger sized people to think that they are okay being bigger sized?

Which is extremely strange because honestly, I think this whole thing has sort of taking a paternalistic turn and the only people who can give a flying fuck about their weight is probably these "bigger sized" people themselves.

This is where I am confused. What does this part of the whole fat shaming campaign hope to achieve? I can think of a few ends:

• 1) Stop people from thinking negatively about people who are bigger sized
• 2) Help bigger sized people (or people who think they are) regain their self confidence 
• 3) ???

And here, I think the answer becomes pretty simple.

To achieve 1) is not possible. There are SO MANY mean people out there, like SO SO MANY. A little campaign is not going to stop the really mean ones from sniggering "hey look at that fat chick" when they see a bigger sized woman on the beach. Even with the campaign, you are just letting people know that "yes its wrong to snigger at bigger sized people because it is mean and you don't know what they're going through"!!

But honestly, who in the right mind thinks in the first place that it is not mean to laugh at someone that is bigger sized?

When people make remarks like that, they know it is mean. They know it will hurt when a bigger sized person accidentally overhears (that's why they whisper to their friends right??). So the "do not fat shame campaign" is literally reiterating to people something that is common sense.

Here, I also deal with people who assume that other people are bigger sized because "they had one cheeseburger too many". I see very often, videos of girls trying to explain themselves-- I am not big-sized because I eat too much. It is hereditary/ cos of genetics/ disease that makes my weight uncontrollable. And my question is: Why must you explain yourself to anyone? Why do you feel obliged to do so?? Its your life and you don't have to explain yourself to anybody. Don't ever feel like you need explain why you're bigger sized because you think people will accept you better. Because, they won't.

Everywhere, in every facet of life, there will be haters. Even if you're "skinny" there will be haters. Even if you're not talking about body image, in every aspect of life there will be haters.

Why try and change something so impossible? Which brings me to my second point.

Help bigger sized people regain their self confidence. If you deem yourself to be "bigger sized", self-confidence will not be regained by telling other people to stop sniggering at you. In fact, I believe it is your mindset that really matters. If you think you're beautiful, and TRULY think you're beautiful, you will not bother about what others think about you. If you don't truly think you're beautiful, you will FOREVER feel like there are people discussing your flaws behind your back.

Hence, I seriously don't understand why "do not fat shame" is a thing, when "accepting your body" is such a better alternative to promote on social media. Probably fat shaming is more sensational, hence attracting more shares and likes on social media, giving the whole body acceptance campaign a very polarising and off-focus front. 

Conclusion and disclaimers.

I think I can safely say that I fall on the skinny-slightly skinnier than average range of the spectrum. Hence, I won't go as far to say that it is easy to start accepting yourself for who you are. I struggle with the same problem everyday also. I can only imagine how hard it is for yourself to feel you're not beautiful, and society to also send you subliminal messages everyday saying that you're not beautiful. But hey, believing that you are beautiful is the 50% of the battle to be won right? If you truly believe you're beautiful, I don't even think what society says will matter. Its an uphill climb, but women!, we will get there. 

Another thing, I think women (me included) are way too sensitive about things. This may be a GROSS generalisation but seriously, just look at men. I recall somewhere along the lines someone tried to spark a conversation about feelings of men and whether they feel inadequate about their looks/hair yada etc. But it never really took off the way women's body acceptance campaigns did. 

I'm definitely not saying that men don't feel inadequate with themselves at times, but I think most of them just shrug it off and tell themselves that it is okay. Like, "I don't and probably will never look like Calvin Harris/ David Beckham on the Calvin Klein ads. I have a paunch not a six pack, but that's okay. Who cares? More beer and pizza please, but I will remember to try and work it off later." I think that's the mindset that women should adopt instead of feeling inadequate everytime they look at Kendall Jenner's smooth tight tummy (photoshop too mind you) on a CK ad. 

Okay you can argue that it is because of the patriarchy (the patriarchy!!!!) that has unknowingly ingrained the need to look good on women over all these years. 

But that's another topic for next time and instead of blaming something else, why not step up and be a little stronger and firmer with yourself.

If we want change, we should all start with our own mindset.